| Mmmm....asian. |
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| 12:06am 29/02/2004 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: Riyu Kosaka-Shooting Star
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You Should Date A Japanese Guy!
You're an interesting blend of traditonal and modern
And a Japanese guy is likely to be on your wavelength
Maybe you'll show your love by dying your hair the same color
Or get married in a traditional white kimono!
Which Foreign Guy Should You Date? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
::laughs:: uh...sure..
 You are FootsieYou're into turning your partner on... But you just like to keep it on the down low. You can get things totally fired up - without anyone the wiser. You work your foreplay technique everywhere From family dinners to work meetings. It's all good - as long as you keep your foot in the right crotch! What Kind of Foreplay Are *You*?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
::laughs some more::
 All you need is a bedroom to change clothes in, and out comes – Superflirt! You’re always successful and you always get your man. That’s because you have oodles of experience. Yes, you flirt full-time. If it paid in dollars, you’d be a rich woman. But it pays in other ways and you’ve got the jewelry to prove it. You’re proud of your professional accomplishments, including the long trail of wounded men in your wake. Nobody does it better, Honey. And don’t you forget it. What Kind of Flirt Are *You*?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
I guess I haven't updated in..um..forever. But yeah, I've been doing pretty well, imo. Still sucking in school, meh. But overall, yeah, I'm well.
Man, this feeling rocks ass. I need to do this more often. Dunno how much it's worth though :o
I need some ass right about now. Any takers? |
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| I don't wanna say I'm sorry. |
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| 01:44am 09/02/2004 |
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mood:  they call me mellow yellow music: Lasgo-Something
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Haha. I thought the security level said 'pubic' instead of 'public.' ::dies:: |
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| I'm insane, watch out. |
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| 04:35pm 29/01/2004 |
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mood:  disturbed beyond belief music: Dr. Alban feat. DJ Alligator-I Like to Move It
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Yeah...
I found something out today that disturbed the hell out of me. Not because of what it was, but the context of it. My brain is not functional...like at all. Nicky and I have concluded it's the zoloft, and that the zoloft must go. I hate medicine, anyway. I'm going all natrual soon! [Excluding the BCP, haha. Never know when I'll need that]
Man, that's just whack. Having sex with someone is something you're supposed to remember. ::shudders:: Yeah, this has to end.
My head hurts, I'm going to go do homework. I need to work harder in school, I got practically straight D's this marking period. |
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| Don't drink Gatorade after brushing your teeth. |
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| 11:25pm 28/01/2004 |
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mood:  slugish/sick music: Green Court-Inside Your Gates [Cosmic Gate Remix]
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It doesn't taste so good.
I've been insanely sick the past few days, on my own accord. I take the blame for destroying my liver. Gram described what slight liver damage makes you feel like. Guess who has all of the symptoms? So if I'm dead next week, blame tylenol.
Boo. I'm in a kinda negative mood. I was thinking about drugs, and people tonight. I thought of Jasmine, and how long it's been since we've spent a night together without the influence of something [the night I went to the lock-in doesn't count]. It made me really sad because I feel like I've lost not only a part of her, but a part of myself. So I'm making a vow that I'm sure I will break within the next month or so: no more stupid shit. It's over.
Friday is the tourney at R3 that Senor Peter told me about a few days ago. A lot of people are going, which means I would like to go as well. However, the chances of someone actually being willing to take me are 1 in 2380979374927349732923. People that can drive are so damned lazy. It irritates the crap out of me. ::Scratches head:: Maybe I'll bug Fi, but she probably wants some downtime and American food to recover from her big trip =D I would get to actually meet my now-online buddy Geo, who rocks socks. So that would be super.
Tomorrow night is my big, exciting Germany trip meeting. Wooooo. I found out today that I am allowed to take my flat iron and hair dryer, so I was very happy about that. Too bad they have European outlets :o I'm sure there are adapters for that kind of thing, though.
I don't feel so well again, I'ma go lay down some more. |
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| A city with no people. |
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| 02:08am 20/01/2004 |
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mood:  wistful music: Wildside-Queen of Love (Factory Team Mix)
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Today was pretty decent, except my mother called and wanted to go shopping. I didn't get to return her call in time, but I don't know...I really have no idea what to think of her. She's my mother...I mean, she had me at the age of 16, so I'm lucky she didn't have an abortion or give me up for adoption. But all the other shit she's put me through...I really just have no idea what to do. For the first time since this whole ordeal in May started, I broke down and cried over that as the sole reason. The first time I've cried in a while, actually.
I read the Chobits series over the past few days. It's amazing...for some reason, I feel like I can connect so deeply to Chii. She's searching for the same thing I am and finding similar shit along the way. Hopefully my story will have a picture-perfect ending, too. But we have plenty of time for that.
I wish I had someone I could share my emotions with...someone to leap on and throw my arms around in the times of joy, someone's shoulder to cry on when I'm sad. I know I have friends..but friends really aren't the same. I need "that special someone just for me." Too bad they're probably not in this country, let alone in existance. Most certainly not in York.
Although it's long gone now, what Martin once said sticks in my head as what I long for...There are so many of these things I just can't wait to share with you. [he wrote it in one of the letters] That's all I want...someone to share my experiences with. The good and the bad. And to create new ones, of course.
The more I think about this, the less likely it seems that there will be someone of this repute.
Maybe someone will someday see me for what I really am-and like what they see. |
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| JIG-that's what's happening! |
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| 01:10am 19/01/2004 |
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mood:  chippie! music: Lee Jung Hyun-Ari Ari
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Man, I gained like five pounds. Does anyone else realise how much ass that sucks? I'm like...friggin' Rosie O'Donnel with red hair now. Okay, mebbe not that bad.
I have midterms this week...midterms blow ass. Mucho grande ass. And I'm getting sick. ::busts a cap::
I get to go to Abingdon this weekend and play THE SEVEN JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! W0000000000000000TACULAR!
If I had Ritalin, I'd be cooler.
Oh, and I'm going to start saving up for one of three things:
1. Graduate next year
2. Go to Japan seniour year
3. Get boob job once out of school
It's mostly a toss up between one and two, since if I ever go through puberty, I might inherit boobs. That'd be awesome. I mean...boobs, man. Wow. Deep thoughts we got goin' down heeah.
I hate this sick sore throat feeling. It should go to hell along with the song "Dance Dance Revolution." At least I could 'move my body' if I wasn't in so much pain. Did that make sense? Nah. Who cares?
Oh yeah, my LJ has its first fan, Mike. ::Feels so very loved::. Too bad this gayass entry won't be on his fanlist. Because it's both gay and has an ass. Man, I'm so uncreative today. It blows your mom.
Oh, man, good stuff here.
DarkIris32: I eventually fell asleep. Rodney and Tikal both claim they were watching pee wee's big adventure...but I think Tikal was just having an adventure with Rodneys....nvm.
XD I love Sarah.
I want to have adventures...but not with Rodney, haha. Or anyone else I can think of for that matter :o And it doesn't necessarily have to involve penis, either. Preferably not. Just some kinda adventure to break up the monotony. If I only had a brain.
Verb of the day: jig [thanks to Nicky!]
Oh, and my drawing gets shittier every time I try. Sarah likes it, but she's just lying. Haha. I wish I could be an art major...I would absolutely love to do my own comic. But I suck so badly. I'm guessing maybe if I practice I won't suck. But knowing me...yeah, I'll continue to suck. Suck like the baby of an emo and a goth. Whiney bastards. |
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| Good stuff. |
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| 11:33pm 09/01/2004 |
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mood: drugged music: Go Go Girls-One Night in Arabia
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PreppoFABULOUS: but yeah, he seems like a self centred asshole. but aren't we all when it comes down to it?
Nichole Koerner: True.
Nichole Koerner: But at least we make an effort not to be.
PreppoFABULOUS: ::nods:: some people just don't include the effort part. usually those people are the ones with penises.
Nichole Koerner: Trueeee that. This is how guys work -- and I've heard it from the lips of at least 10 different guys on different occassions. A guy only talks to a girl in the beginning if he is interested in her (as in "wants to get with her" in some way) -- when they finally realize they can't have what they want, they just stop talking to them little by little, or drop them from their lives completely. Because it's all a game to them . . . to get what they want. And it's too painful to let you continue to be a part of their lives. They try, they fail, they move on. Guys don't want friends, they want a girlfriend.
PreppoFABULOUS: that's kinda how i feel about guys. only i don't give up until i get what i want.
PreppoFABULOUS: or lose interest on their/my own accord.
Nichole Koerner: Talk about stubborn ;-)
PreppoFABULOUS: ^^
PreppoFABULOUS: i am.
PreppoFABULOUS: and so are most guys.
Nichole Koerner: I've NEVER had to fight for a guy.
PreppoFABULOUS: i'm so manly.
Nichole Koerner: Always had them lined up.
PreppoFABULOUS: lucky you.
PreppoFABULOUS: no one ever likes me as more than a vagina.
PreppoFABULOUS: at least you have a personality to guys.
PreppoFABULOUS: i'm nothing to any guy.
Nichole Koerner: I've only been single for like a few months, ever, since freshman year of highschool.
PreppoFABULOUS: no one wants to date me, they just want to fuck me. so i'm always single, haha.
Nichole Koerner: That's cause you attract some dumbshit immature guys.
PreppoFABULOUS: or maybe no mature guys exist.
Nichole Koerner: Prolly just the area you're in.
Nichole Koerner: AMEN SISTA.
Nichole Koerner: AFUCKINMEN.
Nichole Koerner: almost done d/ling captain jack cds
PreppoFABULOUS: hahaha. man, that's so true. pennsylvania is such shit for guys.
PreppoFABULOUS: i'll never fuck a guy born in PA.
PreppoFABULOUS: never have, never will ^^
Nichole Koerner: LOL
Nichole Koerner: that is strange, too
PreppoFABULOUS: ::shrug::
PreppoFABULOUS: martin's from cali, justin's from florida, ::insert story about Alex's ambition for dating this guy that wasn't born in PA. we all know dating involves sex from day one::
Nichole Koerner: ::grins::
Hahahahaha. Goddamn, this stuff is so fucking true.
And some motherfucker drugged me, i swear to god. als;khjfdkl;jfkl;sajdf;sdalfjsadl;fjs;a. it's a bad being drugged, too. >.< stupid restaurant industry! |
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| LMFAO. |
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| 12:54am 09/01/2004 |
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mood: amused as all hell music: Virginelle-Lucky Tango (B4 ZA BEAT Remix)
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Haha, my God, this site is fucking awesome. |
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| ::wigs out:: |
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| 02:01am 08/01/2004 |
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mood: sorta lethargic/lonely music: Beam vs. Cyrus-Lifestyle (Megara Vs. DJ Lee Remix)
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Okay...I don't care about anything anymore that I used to. So what does that mean? I'm not depressed...I just don't really give a fuck about anything or anyone. Sometimes I wish I could feel human again...like I do when I'm around people I actually care about. It's the only time I ever feel alive.
I feel so empty when I don't have attraction to someone. Why must I be such a dumb girl? I'd take a penis any day.
And my family is whack. Really fucking whack.
But I'm doing okay in school for once...I'm almost positive I'll be able to graduate next year. Maybe even this year if I'm really lucky and work my ass off. Which I want to do so I can get the fuck out of this state. Not like I can legally live on my own >.<
And college...my family wants me to go to Towson because they heard it has some super language program, but it's really just because they want me to stay around here and know I will refuse to stay in Pennsylvania. Too bad it hasn't occured to them that I want to go to the west coast. My goal is to find love...and no one around here is quite mentally strong enough, or crazy, to handle me. Heh.
I'm so sick of all this motherfucking pressure. Everyone just needs to fuck off and let me do what I want without trying to have their input on everything. Except you. If you're reading this, I probably heart you. So...whatever. Time for my wigged ass to do something else. |
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| Ring-a-ling-a-ling ding-dong, please connect me to Prince Charming. |
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| 01:35am 07/01/2004 |
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mood:  positive music: Tiggy-Ring-A-Ling
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W00t Martin unblocked me. Not that it matters too much, but I'm just proud that he did it X.x;
I haven't updated in forever...
This weekend [namely Saturday] rocked royal ass. Much <3 to Maryland DDR players. I saw THREE hott DDR players. Yes, THREE. I didn't think there were...any. ::drools shallowly:: But I've kinda decided to give up on my love life [or changing the fact that it's nonexistant at the moment] until I have more time. I really need to focus on my school so I can get out next year. I really, really hope I can do that. So if you want me now, you have to do the work, not me. I'm too busy! Hahaha. Not like anyone I like would like me :o
But anyway, Saturday..I went down to Harford, played DDR and did okay for my standards. I got to talk to Frank and Norman a lot, which was super since I don't see them much, plus I thought Norman hated me for a while. But they're cool. And Cory showed up and I got to talk to him. I also got to know Andy, one of the hot guys. He's pretty in the Pac-Sun model kinda way. I didn't talk to PJ that much, sadly, but he's damn sexy in a hat. And I gave him many sweaty hugs because he likes it like that.
Then I went to Whitemarsh and played on their ghettoass machine for a little. It's ghetto...and I guess ass. But I got to meet Becca and Keif (hot guy number 3), who looks like a young Ashton Kutcher. When he gets older, I will be obligated to rape him. Yes, obligated.
The past few days have been...blah. School is just so monotonous. I have 9238742934 tests tomorrow that I'm not going to study for. I hate the fact that I suck World Cultures up so badly because I never take tests, due to absences.
And midterms. My god, I HATE midterms. I have never gotten anything other than a C on any midterm. Except German, but you know, I can't get anything OTHER than an A in German. Oh, and I'm probably going to Leinfelden-Echterdingen the 2nd/3rd or 3rd/4th weeks of June...so I hope I will be missed! =D
Dieser sommer ich werde ihn seducen. Haha.
And I now belong to a team of female DDR-ers who are...not as good as me. Haha. I need to find someone better who isn't Nicky, because I love her too much to compete with her. [Meaning I would get too badly whooped.] That does it, I challenge you, Nichole, the next time we play DDR together. ^^
Gary wants me to go to EP this Saturday, and I would like to go, but I don't have a ride. Anyone want to drive me to Baltimore? :o Mebbe for money...dunno if I'll have much. I can't whore rides from Fi, because she's going to England for a bit. Have fun, Fi!!!!
Woo...I'm kinda tired. Maybe I'll try that bed thang now. Maybe...
Ring-a-ling-a-ling ding-dong,
Please connect me to Prince Charming.
Ring-a-ling-a-ling ding-dong,
Be my hero, be my light. |
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| Rock on. |
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| 01:29am 02/01/2004 |
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mood:  pessimistic/twitchy music: SMiLE.dk-Domo Domo Domo (KCP Remix)
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I just typed a hugeass self revelation entry, but I decided to clear all the bullshit out and sum it up.
1. Is being way too fucking picky with guys really a good thing?
2. The thought of being alone terrifies me to no end. But I can't stand most people for more then five minutes, so how could I find someone to spend my days with?
3. I'm selfish. I don't care about what anyone else wants unless it's making me happy in doing something for them.
4. I feel like I'm not even looking, yet I am. Or is this just the pickiness? Or maybe my lack of success has to do with my geographical location in the correlation to the location of my mental level [somewhere around the age of 35 right now...York's mentality level is clinically proven to be around the age of 12.]
5. I want you.
6. I don't know who you are, chances are you don't exist.
And, my main focus of the night...
7. Why can't everyone just admit their feelings to people without fearing rejection or whatever? Does anyone else realise how much wasted time, pain, and feelings would be saved?
8. Don't expect anything out of me unless I actually like you. If I don't, chances are I will give you absolutely nothing.
9. Goths fucking suck ass. Just kill yourselves already. Please.
So, this is just kinda me overanalysing everything again. Maybe I'll actually change things for once.
In more of a livejournal entry form...
Tomorrow I'm going to a DDR tourney if Frank and Norman go. Maybe I will even if they don't :o I feel like getting out. I'm kinda poor, though, since I bought shoes and that expensive, yet kickass, shirt today. |
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| Happy Wedding |
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| 12:27am 01/01/2004 |
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mood:  almost drunk music: the lovely sound of South Park
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Yeah, I popped my Happy Wedding cherry today at Harford. The first time I've ever played the song XD
So, today was okay....I'm kinda disappointed, but I'll get to that in a sec.
I wanted to go to Harford today and was having difficulty finding a ride, when it suddenly occured to me that Fi has a car. She very generously offered to take me to Harford because I was supposed to hang out with PJ and she and Austin wanted some good DDR [joint premium] action. I saw Jesse there, which, as you all know, is always nice. But then PJ told me he had previous engagements with some girl, and he didn't really think I meant I was coming down [even though I told him I was serious]. I guess I felt kinda ditched, but I know he didn't actually think I would come down there today, so it's alright. Guess I was just looking forward to it because I don't get to see him much, nor do I find a guy I actually like much. He invited me to that tourney on Friday, under the condition that he's not with that girl [which I'm guessing he will be]. So...if all goes well for me [and not him], I will be going to that =)
So, here I sit, at Fi's house with her being sleepy and Austin being fucked up, we're all watching South Park. It's kinda nice and low key. Maybe it's good I didn't go to that party becuase I don't have too high of an energy level right now. Or mebbe that's the alcohol finally kicking in. ::Has had three iced-tea/liquor drinks::
Fi's daughter is absolutely adorable. Much love to her, and Fi and Austin for being so cool to me today =D
I have to show up in the AM at Jasmine's...ew...too bad I don't think she even knows I'm coming X.x;
Closing thought: Jenna Jamison is really hott. And boys are weird, but in a nice way sometimes.
Oh yeah, I can tell I'm getting drunk because I want to s3xx0|2 j00. 411 0|= j00. |\/|y 1337 15 5|-|337. |
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| Don't have sex with your ex. |
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| 03:05pm 28/12/2003 |
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mood: super music: E-Rotic-Max Don't Have Sex With Your Ex (Total Recall Mix)
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Yesterday was pretty decent, considering the events of the previous night. I slept until about 11 and ate lots of breakfast sandwich-age. Mmm. Then I napped for a while, followed by getting the bird food and going to West Man. Enough people were there to make it fun, but there wasn't a hideous amount of immaturity, either, so that was a definite plus. Then Jesse showed up later (<3<3<3 the Jesse) and I spoke with him a bit. Ironic, that I realised I met him a year ago yesterday. Too bad I haven't seen him very much in the past year at all. =(
Oh, Martin update? I woke up yesterday and was like...
I don't care anymore. Now that I know he's too immature for me, it doesn't matter. Time to get moving.
So someone has to find me a funny, but mature, boy. Preferably taller than me with pretty eyes. ^^
I downloaded E-Rotic's album Total Recall last night. It kicks fucking ass. Like major ass kick-age. If you like E-Rotic and/or trance (especially both), you will LOVE this album. If anyone wants to dload off of me, just lemme know.
This reminds me of the fact that I talked to Fi last night and actually got to know her a little better, even though she's been on my LJ list for months. So, props to Fi for IMing me. ^^
Might hang with Jas later...here's for hoping.
I dun wanna go back to school. Yeah, I know I have an entire week of vacation left, but I hate school so much. Rar. |
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| ウエイートの神様? [Weiito no kamisama?] |
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| 04:20pm 27/12/2003 |
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mood:  A-Cup-ish music: Zippers-Buffalo Bill (Momo Re-Edit)
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I lost six pounds in the past week and I haven't even been trying. Praised be the anxiety that keeps me from eating/drinking! Too bad that part is over. And too bad all of the weight is from my boobs >. |
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| Wow. |
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| 12:12pm 27/12/2003 |
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mood: satisfied/complete music: Tess-Get the News
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Thanks, Martin. Not like you'll read it, but if ,on the offchance, you do, thank you. |
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| Oh me, oh my. |
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| 04:18pm 26/12/2003 |
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mood:  hyped-up/determined music: 2 Unlimited-The Real Thing (B4 ZA BEAT Mix)
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Damon180: grin
Damon180: sick em girl!
Oh yeah, you're going down tonight, bizzle. |
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| You've got style, that's what all the girls say. |
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| 12:22am 24/12/2003 |
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mood:  anticipation music: Madonna-Dress You Up
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Today was boring. Damn boring.
I did get my modchip, though. Woot! Now I just have to convince PJ to burn me some games :\ And I must get a IIDX controller =D
Yeah, I've developed a plan. You know, kinda like the Grinch. A terrible plan, or something like that. Haha. Only..not terrible at all.
Friday with Jasmine, Clint, and maybe ______. NOTE: ______ is not to be confused with _____. Get it right.
My eyes hurt like a mofo, so I'm keeping this short. Happy Christmas Eve =) |
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| You. |
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| 01:05am 23/12/2003 |
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mood:  inadequate/alone music: DJ Taka feat. Angel-Ultra High Heels
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Sometimes I wonder what happened. Where I went wrong, what I could have done differently, why I'm no longer good enough. Sometimes I think back to how things once were...such a short period of time in my life that was so perfect in every way. None of the bullshit going on could have taken one bit of my confidence because you were there. It was the only time in my broken life that I felt that feeling of being whole. And now, back to where I was for so long and never wanted to return, I'm nothing. Tossed aside like a broken toy you no longer had time to play with. Maybe that's all I ever really was to you-a toy. But my better judgement leads me to think otherwise.
Your last letter is still here by my side. I still feel an equally intense emotion as I did when I received it..only now, the emotion is no longer love. It has been replaced by hatred. But not towards you. Not at all, because I continue to believe you're the little bit of perfection in my fucked up life. The only person I've ever been able to hate is myself, now more than ever.
The only thing that can really make me happy is to see you happy. And if me not being in your life is what makes you happy, then I guess I will have to accept it. But I can't do this until you tell me that is, in fact, the scenario to my face. Before I can even try to let go, you have to look in my eyes and say you don't care about me. Until then, I'll never stop loving you. Never. Whether you like it or not. [I'm sure I could guess out of those two options.]
Oh, and change 'sometimes' to 'every waking [and most dreaming] moment.'
You know what's sadder? You will most likely never read this.
So, anyone know what I have to do to get this boy to talk? |
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| ...? |
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| 11:47pm 21/12/2003 |
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mood:  stressed/ill music: the soothing sound of the fish tank
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I feel sick. |
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| Hammertime. |
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| 08:56pm 21/12/2003 |
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mood: la-dee-da/occasionally pensive music: ビームVS. サイラス feat. MCハマー / U・キャント・タッチ・ジス
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Hahaha. Remembering my drunk midget conversation with Nicky makes me el-oh-el.
It's Sunday, but it's also Christmas vacation, which means every day feels like the same one. Except for certain things that keep popping in your mind like the vague reminders of the shittacularness of it all. Every second I sit here is wasted, but I really don't have much, if any, control over things.
Yeah, but this song is so great. I don't think anyone could not be in a good mood from MC Hammer-trance style. Oh, and stoned midgets.
And I think I'm back on a diet. I didn't even think about it today, but I never ate much. God knows I need it. ::pokes hips:: |
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mangolassie's journal